As I had mentioned in previous posts, I do not remember much of my hospital stay. But what I do remember crystal clear is my hallucinations that were a side effect of the high doses of morphine that I was receiving to tolerate pain. Every single person that I have told these to has found them hilarious so I hope I can at least give my readers a smile!
I had been induced into a coma for 38 days on account of my condition being so unstable. In those days my body may not have been active, but my brain certainly was!! My family was there everyday by my side, holding my hand, rubbing my head, talking to me, encouraging me. I do not remember them being there but I know they were. This particular hallucination impacted my brother, Dale the most. Something in my mind convinced me that Dale was a serial killer and nobody but me knew. I had vivid dreams of him going on killing sprees and me being the only one that knew his secret. I know this is completely out of character for the sweet guy he is. The guy that fanned me with a piece of cardboard for an hour because I was so hot and not allowed to have a fan in my hospital room. In my mind I was convinced however that this was true. Dale came to visit me one morning, excited to see me as always as he had everyday. I was not so excited to see him however. He came to the hospital with his girlfriend at the time Ashley, who is now his wife. I had only met Ash two times prior to me being hospitalized. I really didn't know her. I knew I liked her but didn't know her personally yet. As soon as Dale and Ashley walked into my hospital room, I stopped mid sentence and looked at Dale. I said to the nurse that he needed to get out, Ashley was welcome to stay but he needed to leave. Dale thought this was a joke. He thought my sarcastic sense of humor was coming back. When he noticed the true anger and seriousness when I repeated that he needed to leave he was obviously upset. He had been at my bedside every day since I was admitted to the hospital. Why now was I angry at him and for what reason? The nurse had to ask him to leave the room as I was becoming visibly agitated. This was heartbreaking for Dale... and he had no idea why. Dale came back to the hospital the next day to try his luck again to find out that I had gotten over whatever upset me with him the previous day! I never told anyone what upset me with him that day. It wasn't until a few weeks later that I remembered what happened and decided to share my secret with everyone else. We all had a laugh over it...sorry Dale!
Did you know gerbils are fast? I found that out one day when I was watching TV in my hospital room. I was watching one of three things, Ellen, The Price is Right or the Food Network. That was the only thing that was allowed to be on in my room. I had strict rules! I was laying in bed watching quietly when all of a sudden I sat up abruptly and started swatting at the end of my bed. My Mom looked up calmly from the book she was reading and this is the conversation that followed:
Mom: "What the hell are you doing?"
Me: "There's a gerbil at the end of my bed!"
Mom: "Ohhhh, did you get him??"
Me: "No those buggers are fast!"
Mom: "Maybe next time."
My Mom had spent enough time with me up to this point to know better than to disagree with me over my hallucinations. I believed them to be true so I felt everyone else should too. It was best to agree and play along than get in an argument, or have my fingernails dug into your arm. My hospital room, my rules!
Have any of you met the President of the United States? I did. In fact, I was the nanny for his two children. This hallucination went on for about a week. I was excited to tell my visitors about my latest adventure with the President and his family. We did all sorts of things, camping, swimming, baseball games at Wrigley Field which I believed was in Washington. It was so cool, we had our own private suite at the ballpark! I was even convinced that a pair of pajama pants that I wore while in the hospital were a pair that I had borrowed from my good buddy Barack. Here is another conversation that happened between my Mom and I:
I was having a afternoon nap and woke up in a panic.
Mom: "What's wrong Jamie?"
Me: "I left my favorite perfume at the White House!"
Mom: "Don't worry I had it taken care of, it got mailed here and it's sitting on your dresser at home now."
Me: "Okay good, that stuff is expensive."
I don't know how my Mom managed to keep a straight face while having a conversation like that with me. I am smiling while I am typing this thinking about how ridiculous it must have sounded.
Have anyone of you starred in a movie? I certainly did! This is another conversation that occurred between my Mom and I one day when I was just waking up from a nap. She noticed me waking up so came to the side of my bed to ask how I was feeling.
Me:"Get out of the way."
Mom looks around confused trying to figure out what she is in the way of since the TV is shut off
Mom:"What's wrong?"
Me: "You're in my shot."
Mom: "Huh?"
Me: "I'm filming a movie scene and you're in my shot."
Mom: "Oh, I'm sorry. Let me know when your scene is over and you can have lunch."
It still boggles my mind that my brain could forget something horrific happening to my body and all the pain I went through but choose to remember something as silly as the previous stories I told you! I am glad I remember them though as it is something to look back on and have a laugh over. I hope I gave my readers a laugh as well!
